I will move in at the end of this month with my partner and his 2 daughters...
I wonder why many people I've been talking to get so surprised about how I view the situation of living together as so relaxed.
I believe it's because I know my needs and wants and I'm able to communicate and negotiate this with my partner all the way, at every step.
I've lived together with many different people in places all over the world, and depending on the situation only sharing the hallway, the kitchen or bathroom, but also sometimes the bedroom, bed, and even intimacy.
Approx. only 3% of the time, it didn't work out and I got seriously frustrated with the partner (and probably even more of myself) in the living situation.
I sometimes see this framed image of how it is supposed to be when you live with your partner, how either you have to share the same dreams in life or how one person has to give up theirs. How you sleep in the same bed, share the same meals, only show up as a couple at events, etc. It feels so limiting and restrictive to me.
So yes, I love my partner deeply AND:
- I will have my own room in which I can retreat if I want to be with myself or sleep on my own. (Bless us, for the space the house provides!) Not because we're in a fight or something like that, but because I love spending time just with my own energy sometimes
- I will still embark on long-term travels or journeys abroad for a couple of months at a time, not because he can't or doesn't want to join me or I need to get away from him. But because these are MY dreams and it's my path to walk, not his
- While I'm looking for land to build my dreamy tiny house eventually, I long for my partner to place his own construction close to mine, not to join me in the little space 24/7
- While it would be really nice to have him move to this land in the future with me,
I'm not limiting my visions to the places of his capacity (one province in Belgium) Instead, I keep all options open, inland and abroad as I trust I will find the right place and trust that the relationship will take the turns it needs to take for me to land where most of all I AM supposed to land
- Even though at the moment I find everything I desire in my partner at the moment and we feel the commitment, I need the conversation to stay open once in a while if we want to open the relationship for other potential lovers to be there and share the love with one of us
- I don't take my relationship for granted, I only promise love at the moment, I don't know what the future brings
etc.
These needs might change and he has his needs as well that we fit into OUR TERMS of living together.
But,
why would you give up your own needs that are necessary to feed energy into a healthy relationship to keep up with the image of the outside world?
Much love,
Minne
If you need help figuring out yours, I'm happy to have a call with you.
Picture of me with an old time love (reminds me I urgently need to have a photoshoot with my current beautiful man) Photo taken by Hannelore Haemers. Do not use without consent.
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