We planned to meet at my new place right before going to a lecture together and he would stay the night after the event. Nothing unusual for us. Sometimes we would change the lecture in having dinner together, but the intimacy was important for us. But tonight he didn’t stay the night and instead, he told me he didn’t want to be intimate anymore.
I met S. in October, for a business exchange and as the nature of both our businesses is quite intimate and our core value integrity, our connection transformed in something more personal.
We continued meeting each other every couple of weeks with a call in between. S. was open with me about his likes and dislikes, about his dreams and his fears. There was an openness between us that created space for us to love each other without the need for being ‘in love’, for labels or restrictions.
It was so easy to love S., he’s charismatic, creative, super caring, adventurous in bed, honest to the bone and a handsome man. What I liked the most about S. was that he had really let me be myself without judgement.
Almost immediately after we connected we decided not to call this ‘a relationship’ in the traditional sense of the word. Looking at a possible future together looked irrelevant for us and we are both relationship anarchists, questioning societies expectations to what it should look like ‘loving each other’. It was so great to live in the now with S. We just enjoyed being together and we were both able to surrender in those moments. I believe mostly because there were no expectations or dependency towards each other, it made it possible for us to just BE. He was my good friend. And a heart-connected lover.
We continued to go out with others and gave each other dating advice. We would give each other emotional support after one of us would feel heart-ache from being rejected by one of those dates. We would wish the best for each other. Also, we knew that one of us could always end ‘us’ as we would grow closer to someone else. There was always a sense in both of us, that ‘this’ was temporary and not to be taken for granted.
That’s the kind of openness that we had. So it surprised me when S. suddenly dropped that he wanted to create some distance for a while and he wanted to stop being intimate with me. He had been to his psychologist and got some new insights. It was time for him to finally take action in some of his old destructive patterns. One of the side effects of this was (at least temporary) to say goodbye to me.
Tears ran down my cheeks. I felt so sad about ending us. I wasn’t feeling a grinch of resistance, but pure grief. This was the end of a beautiful chapter. The end of a beautiful meeting. I felt so proud of him for taking the steps that he did, as I had followed his process closely I knew he was making the right decision.
So, that’s it. It was one of my most beautiful relationships because being together with S. was uncomplicated. It was the perfect combination of some kind of unconditional love without the drama that is usually involved in the dating process, and no jealousy, expectations, dishonesty ever really happened.
So Universe, please give me more of these kind souls to walk and cross paths with, I adore this way of pure and courage way of relating to others.
Thank you, S. for showing me it is possible.