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There’s nothing wrong with being healthy confident (the opposite), but it might create the image that I am in a place, that I’m not most of the time. And there’s the fear that it would create envy for the confidence that’s not even there.

Very often when I see people on social media post something inspiring to me, I admire them for their confidence. But as I fear others do, I also recognize I envy others sometimes. I see them being in a place where I desire to be, but I feel too insecure to get, yet.

Envy or jealousy is not a popular emotion in the spiritual and self-development communities that I’m in. It’s an ‘ugly’ thing, something most of us reject feeling in the first place. There’s a lot of counter feedback:

“We are more powerful when we empower each other.”

And Fuck YES! That’s so true. And I do applaud this loudly. I’m all in for the greater growth, beyond my own, and others’ growth is mine too, etc. But this doesn’t take away that those emotions are there sometimes. And that they are a response, a reaction of something that’s present and wants to be seen. That I want to be seen in my glory as well. That I want to be confident enough to allow myself to not always play small to fit it in with the group, but just be me and do my thing, in or out of the group standards. And, my desire to be met with love and appreciation for who I am in that as well. By owning that this is my responsibility every time I feel envy, I am more compassionate with my own and others’ paths.

But that means I need to have the guts to show myself. To face the fears of being rejected and the fear of being envied. And to show COURAGE, despite my fears or feeling about myself or the outcome, I take the risk to take a step towards what I want. Because I know that the feeling of confidence, where I have a stronger belief and reassurance in myself, is not going to magically arrive.

Even though I seriously doubted myself (in the sense of my vulnerability went through the roof!) if sharing my dream and a naked photo of myself last night on my profile is a good idea… Magic did happen. I didn’t gain super confidence from it, to be honest, I’m still insecure about it. But I did get a lot of interesting invitations that might be interesting for my wish of the temple to happen. And with that, my belief in my power and ability is growing, to a level where next time I might even be able to be more courageous.

Maybe I should’ve started with this, but what I want to say is:

without the courage to try something for the first time, you can not get to confidence.

Where in your life do you want to become more courageous?

x Minne

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