After being a tourist, going to spanish school and volunteer for more then a month, I feel ready for the last part of this Spanish journey.
Today I've started to walk 'el camino de Santiago'. I will walk 500 km (or miles 🎵 😁) over the next 26 days on the french route to arrive in Ponferrada. I don't feel the need to end in Santiago, since I've already been there 2 years ago when I walked a part of the Portuguese route.
It is 'only' an average of 20km a day but with a backpack of 9kg, always +30°C and in the mountains.
This morning I started walking with a smile, and I couldn't stop it. Maybe it was because of my happy face, but leaving Pamplona, so many people wished me 'buen camino', which made me even happier! I kept on repeating to myself how proud I am that I will start this challenge, feeling grateful for my body who does a great job and is taking me anywhere and sending love to my own hearth. I saw, touched and smelled beautiful views and plants on the road as it was a pleasure for my senses and a full presence in the 'now'.
I decided for my first 3 days to only do 13 km to get my legs and feet used to the walking. Like I said, I was feeling incredible... but the last 4 km where just sad. It was already super hot, it was only uphill, my water was finished, I was feeling dizzy and I felt my first 2 blisters in my shoes. Jup, the smile was gone. At one point my head started pounding, my hearth beat went up drastically and I had to just lay down next to the path. I thought I was going to faint and I started having a panic attack. 'Why am I doing this to myself? This is only half of what I'm going to do in the next days! I can't get up anymore... I'm in bad shape, I'm too heavy for this. Everyone else is much faster than me. I want to quit already, noone really knows if I will not walk the camino...' Very destructive thoughts!!
But I'm writing this from the bed in my albergue, so I made it! By foot offcourse 😁 I did find the power in myself to get up and continue.
I shouldn't be beating myself up for this thougher part. No, I praise myself now that today the happy and gentle (to myself) mind IS stronger than my destructive side.
I'm doing the camino because I love myself. Not because I have to pay with pain to all my sins.
Adiós! Hasta mañana!